arrogantalloy | Tony's Phone Message

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Tony's Phone Message

"Looks like you've missed me. Don't feel bad, I'm kind of a busy guy. If you need to leave me a message. Press 1 and talk, I'll get back to you when I notice. If you're calling because you need something built or repaired, go on and press 2 and be directed to the Stark Mobile Solutions line, I'll probably get back to that quicker."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Flattering offer, really. But not sure if I'll take you up on that right now.

Well, I've lost my Star Spangles, and our pet teenager. But other than that, pretty peachy for a guy who's been dragged into another world without his money or suit.

... Two guys and a 'pet teenager'. Do I need to alert the police, bro?

Three. Three guys and her. Only if there's a law against cheerfulness. I have an age limit and Major Boy-scout and Thunderstruck have morals.

Oh really? How do you know for sure? It is nearing summer. You see her in a bikini and your age limit might be thrown out the door along with their morals.

I'm just concerned for her wellbeing.

Yeah, I wouldn't be. She makes me tired just looking at her. Besides, I'm pretty sure I'm old enough to be her dad, kind of puts a crimp on things like that.

Don't you think?

[There's a bit of a delay in answering. He has to think about this. He's... kind of slept with a lot of girls in his lifetime. Some pretty young- legal though. God.]

...Yes.

Yes I do.

I'm going to be a little concerned about that delay. And I don't even have a great reputation in that area. Please tell me they were old enough to drink.

Uh... I'm pretty sure they were legal to drink in Britain, at least.

And people call me a playboy. I'm really not sure if I should be impressed or calling the police myself. It's a weird feeling.

Dude, come on. They were eighteen. They're legal to fuck! You can fuck before you drink. I thought we all knew that rule.

I haven't had an 18 year old since I was 30. It's a rule alright, but sometimes you just have to stop checking out high schools. Besides, I have more fun when everyone knows what they're doing.

Hey- news flash! I'm thirty-goddamn-two. Eighteen year olds are still totally within my fucking rights- pun intended.

And anyway, do you have any idea how sexually active teenagers are from like, thirteen and up? I've been with plenty of eighteen year olds who know what they're doin'. And also, you can't fucking deny that virgins can be downright fun.

I haven't been with virgins since I was about 16. So I can't say I remember how fun they were. And even then they were college girls so...

... You slept with college girls? Virgin college girls? Do those even exist?

Well, I was hitting Puberty when I enrolled at MIT, so who else I was going to sleep with?

Fair point.

[But still...]

So what, you've never banged a teenager in your life? It was just college girls all the way through puberty?

Well, they were 18 and 19. That's technically a teenager. But yeah no. All college, all the time. Even for a technical school, those girls can get real... Interesting.

I just don't understand. Starting with college girls...

[His brain cannot compute.

And maybe he's kind of jealous that he didn't have the level of swag necessary to get with a college girl at a younger age.]

How the fuck were they interested in a dweeby teenager anyway? I mean, what the hell was your secret? I mean, your brain was probably bigger than your fucking boner.

I'm rich, famous and charming. Also, nerdy girls find nerdy guys hot. So really my secret is that I'm Tony Stark. And no one has ever complained about size, that is something I can say for sure.

[What a vague as shit answer. Damn, man, he's a little disappointed. But the vagueness is enough to make him feel a little bit better and a little more cocky.]

Oh yeah? How big is it, exactly?

Really? That's where you want to go? Little middle school isn't it?

Yeah, it's exactly where I want to go. Come on, all the women know, why can't a bro? Call me curious.

[A beat.]

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Well, Curious. You know, I'm not really sure I want to see yours. But you know what. I'm bored and don't have patriot shield to annoy.

6.3, which, really I think is respectable. Especially when you take into account the fact I work with a super soldier and a demi-god.

[Excuse him, his reply will be late. He's just going to sit there having a moment because HAHAHAHA he is bigger than Ironman of all people. Fuck yes, he feels good about himself. Hell fucking yes. He might've even punched the air out of excitement. What a good day.

He does, however, have the decency not to actually gloat where he can be seen or heard.]

Heh, nice. [But he's still bigger.] Are you suuure you don't wanna see mine, though? Not many people get this privilege. [That's a damn lie.]

[Bro can be bigger, but in the end, Tony's started with college rides and used to be very liberal with moustache rides.]

You know, I'm going to think it's not much of a privilege if you were suggesting before that you got more than enough. So thanks, but I'll pass.

Tony's Phone Message

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