arrogantalloy | Tony's Phone Message

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Tony's Phone Message

"Looks like you've missed me. Don't feel bad, I'm kind of a busy guy. If you need to leave me a message. Press 1 and talk, I'll get back to you when I notice. If you're calling because you need something built or repaired, go on and press 2 and be directed to the Stark Mobile Solutions line, I'll probably get back to that quicker."

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[You two probably don't really know each other, but that's okay. He's just a fan is all, you're probably used to dealing with fans.]

So I been wonderin', what's it like bein' stuck in a big, heavy metal suit all day long? Does it get all hot 'n there? How d'ya go to the bathroom?

Well, I'm never really stuck in it, there are redundancies in place so I can always get out of it. So there is that. But no, it doesn't get hot, it's fully air conditioned and I have a filtration system, so going to the bathroom isn't really an issue either.

[He sounds kind of rehearsed like he's had to answer these questions a lot.]

So... you poop in it?

Okay, yeah. Maybe not that. Normally people don't ask about that one so much.

Oh. Okay, well...What'cha do if you do gotta poop?

I hold it? I've never actually needed to drop one while in the suit before.

... That sounds like it'd be real inconvenient. But like, hypothetically, what if you had to go while in the middle of fightin' a bad guy?

Well, hypothetically it wouldn't happen. How often do you find yourself in a high excitement moment and feel the need to find a port-a-john? Because I can tell you it's not a thought that's crossed my mind.

But hey, let's suspend disbelief. I'd still hold it, because I'm not taking that home in my jockies.

Man, I'm from smack dab in the middle of a zombie apocalypse! I know all about havin' to take a poop in the middle of a whole lotta excitement!

I remember days when 'zombie apocalypse' were only used to reference thinly veiled allegories for consumerism with blood and gore. Didn't think I'd miss it.

And yeah, still hasn't been something I've ever thought of in the heat of the moment of grand excitement.

Well... At least now ya don't gotta worry about it here, right? I mean, unless ya gotta poop when you're battlin', but... Still...

Why are we still talking about this?

And you at least have a point there, that is something that I haven't had to worry about here. Please tell me it's the same with you.

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Tony's Phone Message

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